A Free Monthly Group For Non-Monogamous People
The Kitchen Table is a free monthly peer support group for people practicing ENM. We meet on Zoom once a month (first Thursday @ 7pm UK/2pm Eastern) and spend 90 minutes together sharing experiences. I hold the space, lead the discussion, and take care of breakout rooms. You share as much or as little as you like (see the FAQ below if you have any questions).
Sign up below to get one email a month with a reminder and the Zoom link.
FAQ
Who is this for?
Anyone with an interest in non-monogamy, it doesn't matter if you're years into a polycule, six weeks into opening up, or still working out whether any of this is for you. Partners of non-monogamous people are welcome too, including if you're the one who's less sure about it. You don't have to arrive with a settled position.
What actually happens in the 90 minutes?
We start with a short welcome and a check-in so you can meet each other. Then we go into a topic — sometimes one I've brought, sometimes one that comes out of the check-in. Most of the time is spent in smaller breakout groups, because it's easier to say something meaningful to three people than to twenty. We come back together at the end for anything that wants saying to the whole group.
Can I come with my partner or partners?
Yes, people do that. If you'd rather not end up in the same breakout room as each other, message me before we start and I'll sort it. Some people find it more useful to talk separately; some prefer to hear each other. Either is fine.
Is this therapy?
No. It's peer support — the value is in hearing other people who are in something similar, not in being treated. I facilitate, I don't work clinically in the group, and I won't be giving you individual guidance on your relationship.
If you're in acute distress, in the middle of a crisis, or dealing with something that needs proper attention, a monthly group isn't the right container for it. That's a case for individual or couples work, or your GP.
You're a therapist. Is this a sales pitch?
No pitching happens in the group. I run it because I really appreciated the 'More is More' group that used to exist, and I wanted something similar.
I do work privately with couples, and that's what the rest of this site is about if you're interested.
Is it confidential? Is it recorded?
Nothing is recorded, and I don't take any notes. What's said in the group stays in the group, and that goes for breakout rooms too. I'll say this at the start of every session because it's important
I do keep the mailing list, which is only ever used to send you the monthly reminder.
Do I have to speak? Or have my camera on?
You don't have to share anything in the main group, and your camera can stay off if you prefer.
Breakout rooms are a bit different, because there are only three or four of you. I'd ask that you at least say hello and say you're just listening today. That's enough — nobody needs a reason. But sitting silent and invisible in a small group changes it for everyone else in there
How many people usually come?
So far it's been between 5 and 12. The breakout room format allows us to adapt easily enough.
Is this a place to meet people?
No. It isn't a dating space or somewhere to look for partners. Approaching people in the group for that reason is the one thing that will get you removed. It has to be somewhere people can talk about their relationships without also being assessed as a prospect.
Is it queer and kink friendly?
Yes. Non-monogamy is not one culture, and the group isn't organised around any one version of it — relationship anarchists, hierarchical poly people, swingers, solo poly, open couples, and people who don't use any of those words all come. We use the principle 'don't yuk another's yum' so that we can be in our differences without anyone feeling judged.
When is it, and where are people based?
First Thursday of the month, 7pm UK time (2pm Eastern), for 90 minutes on Zoom. Many people are in the UK, some on the US East Coast. They could be anywhere, it's just a case of who hears about it.
If that time is impossible for you, tell me — if enough people are in the same boat I'll look at a second slot.
What if I miss a month?
Nothing happens. There's no attendance expectation and no catching up to do. Come when it's useful, don't when it isn't. You'll get the reminder either way.
How do I join?
Fill in the sign up form above and you'll get one email a month with the Zoom link. That's the only thing the list is used for, and you can unsubscribe at any time.